Then Goldilocks Got Her Wings.....

“MOM! MOOOOOOM!” yelled Jordan from the kitchen.

 

I was bent over the sink washing my face, I glanced down as 6:50 am flashed back at me from my watch.

 

“MOM! MOM! CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME? YOU NEED TO GET IN HERE! THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS! I CAN’T EVEN RIGHT NOW!” echoed down the hallway to the bathroom.

 

I look at myself in the mirror and say, “Alright God, give me strength, its Wednesday, but apparently we are having a case of the Mondays around here!”

 

I let out a sigh as I left the bathroom and headed down the hallway.

 

Jordan met me at the end of the hallway with a dishtowel and started talking a mile a minute.

 

“You are NOT going to believe what Morgan just did,” as he points under the kitchen table.

 

I glanced around him to find cereal and milk ALL over the table, the chair, the floor, the rug, and anything that was in its path as it apparently Swan Dived off of the kitchen table.

 

I take a deep breath in and get down to business. I asked Jordan to get me some paper towel and the anti-bacterial wipes.

 

He is still going on in the background. “I just can’t even. Do you know what I still have to do before I get on the bus Mom?”

Mind you he is saying this to me as I am crawling around under the table IN my nightgown picking up cereal and not a second closer to getting ready for work myself.

 

I smile as a tiny little body wrapped in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Blanket slowly crouches down under the table.

The only thing you can see poking out from the blanket is his face as Morgan whispers, “I don’t know what all the ruckus is about, it’s just spilled milk Mom.”

 

I smile and wink at him as Jordan is still roaming about in the kitchen gathering his track gear, lunch, back pack for school, and STILL carrying on.

 

When he said, “There is just NO reason for this shenanagins, I just don’t have TIME for this Mom!”

 

There it was, that phrase again. I couldn’t even count the amount of times I had heard it in the past several weeks. I shot up so fast I ALMOST hit my head on the bottom side of the table!

 

I backed myself out from under the table, turned to Jordan and said, “Son it is just spilled milk, and there is no reason to be crying over a little bit of spilled milk! You can’t let a tiny accident set the precedent for your entire day! All it is going to do is ruin how you feel for the rest of the day! It is OK! Look it is only 7:04 am, it is cleaned up, you will most certainly make the bus, and I will most certainly make it to work. Its fine! Deep breath, we got this!”

 

I hugged him, he took a deep breath, and in an instant all the anxiety from what had just happened was gone from both of my boys faces.

 

Accidents happen, but letting them leave this house and feel like they needed to take it with them for the rest of the day was NOT something that I was about to allow.

 

The whole ordeal got me thinking though. Mostly what Jordan said about “TIME”, it wasn’t the first time that word had come up lately, though the last time it was used it was in a VERY different context.

 

Time.

 

Sometimes you hear it used in the context, “Remember the time?”

 

Most times though, it is usually used in one of the following ways, There is never enough time. I don’t have time for this. It just isn’t the right time. I wish there was more time. I just ran out of time. I wish I could go back in time.

 

Rarely do we ever hear I had more than ENOUGH time, and this leads us to today’s blog; which is just as much about time as it is ANYTHING else.

 

Why we should never waste a single solitary moment, and we should always be ever so gracious for the ones that we did get to experience when we had the chance to.

 

My family held strong to our faith in the months following the fire. We started picking up what pieces we could find in the rubble that were somewhat recognizable and once we were done sifting through the rest, it got filled in and pushed over so that a new beginning could start on the very same land where tragedy had struck the year before.

 

Momma’ continued to heal, Jason and I continued on with school, Dad went back to work and life started to have a somewhat normal feel to it again. Dad decided that once the fire happened he didn’t want to be so far from home anymore. Being on the road and away from us was to much for him to bare, so he talked with his bosses and changed his route so that he could be home every night.

 

It was quite an adjustment for all of us, for anyone that wasn’t close to our family, most people didn’t even know Jason and I had a Dad. There weren’t many sporting events that he was able to make when Parents Night rolled around, and even though he was always announced as our Dad, and Momma’ as our Momma’, it was usually only her accepting the flowers and hugs in front of the crowds of people in the Brimley gymnasiums.

 

Life changing took some adjusting for Dad too. He was used to being up all night and being on the road. Sleep wasn’t something that came easy now that he was home every night. It was a hard habit to break after all those years. Jason and I had to honestly learn what it was like to have another person living in the house again full time. I was a teenager at this point, so shrugging my shoulders came as a more natural response to what was happening in my life and in my house than anything.

 

Looking back it still does, and I can still remember the anxiety of what it was like to try and learn an entirely different routine after almost 14 years of doing it a certain way. I was, and still am a creature of habit, giving up routine wasn’t something that was easy for me. We eventually learned to adjust, and in time our schedules all streamlined one another’s.

 

We went from having Dad on the road, to having Dad home, Mom home, and dinner as a family every night as long as there wasn’t an away game or a practice hadn’t run late. There were very few nights that we all didn’t watch the news together, and then whatever TV programming came on shortly after. Looking back, those are the memories I cherish with my parents the most. Just BEING with them when I could have been anywhere else in the world.

 

Weekends were usually always spent on the farm. Dad made busy work one way or another, and Momma’ once she was feeling well enough didn’t miss the opportunity to be by his side. I can smile now that I look back because I can only imagine how much she must have missed him all those times he was gone on the road working. How much she must have literally just cherished those small moments, even if it was just sorting nails, sitting in the garage next to the man that she adored.

 

Sundays were dedicated to church. It had not always been that way. Even though Papaw was who he was, Momma’ had fallen from Grace as we sometimes do and just had not found her place in a church up here.

 

Pastor Kelly Carlson and his wife Joy and their sweet family changed all that.

 

Momma’ had heard about him and decided it was time to get our hind-ends into that church to see what all the fuss was about. It only took one sermon, and we didn’t miss a Sunday after that. Shortly after we were signed up for Awana, then started going to Wednesday services, and then the early morning and evening Sunday services.

 

It was at a church function where I met Diana and her family. It was hard not to notice someone like her. Not only was she beautiful, her laugh was infectious, and you just FELT so completely grateful to be in her presence. She was a beautiful soul, good to the core, and I just don’t believe God thought to program her any other way.

 

She approached our table at a church brunch to give me a friendship bracelet she had made when she had heard the story of our house burning.

 

Even though an entire community had come together the year prior to assure our family had everything we could ever need, it would soon become the item I cherished the absolute most.

 

We were fast friends after that. Even though we went to different schools, we would write letters back and forth to one another all week long to give to the other at the next church night. Diana was truly my best friend on this planet.

 

It had only been 5 years since I had lost Grandpa Harm, so getting close to anyone was really a struggle for me. Somehow Diana managed to not only get close, but STAY close as time went on. There wasn’t a church function we ever missed, and most weekends were spent with her and her family at their home in Kincheloe.

 

For the first time in a lot of years life was good for me.

 

Time passed and we started growing up. Her and her family didn’t come to church as often as they once used to, and things just started to change. Her and I remained close, but back in the day of no Facebook and No Cell Phones it wasn’t an easy feat.

 

We would see one another as much as possible, write when we couldn’t, and even though life moved forward for both of us; well we were still the very best of friends.

 

God knew what was coming; so in the meantime he knew that I was going to need someone that would strong enough to hold on to me when I started slipping away. So one morning in the Brimley High School bathroom I met the sassified 13 year old version of the young woman I now call my sister – Misty Dawn Hanchera.

 

Now back then if you were lucky enough to know us both; well you should certainly remember that getting close to my sister was sort of like hugging a cactus. Rough around the edges, tough as nails, and if you rubbed her the wrong way she was gonna’ bite you back.

 

She ain’t so hard these days, my brother-in-law somehow softened her rough edges, and also convinced her to stop biting on people. How he managed it I won’t ever know; and I guarantee he won’t ever tell. Those two have a sense of magic about them when they are together; the kind that gives me hope & keeps me believing that someday God will finish preparing the man I am supposed to be with.

 

Until then I will keep watching the two of them, and people like my Momma’ and Dad and know that IT DOES EXIST; it is just going to take some time to narrow it down.

 

When I met my sister for the first time it wasn’t all fancy, I mean after all we were in a bathroom. I had just finished washing my hands when she exited her stall. She hadn’t realized anyone was in there and when she looked at me and realized I was there she immediately said, “I ain’t crying over no boy if that is what you think.”

 

I remember standing there scared to death; she was known as an “Ass Kicker” back in the day. You just didn’t cross her and you certainly didn’t just TALK to her. If I hadn’t already gone to the bathroom I might have when she started talking to me.

 

I just looked at her wide eyed and stood there frozen before I said, “I never thought that.”

 

She was wetting a paper towel and trying to pull herself back together. I was admiring how long her hair was when she asked, “ Hey your Grandma is the secretary of the school right? You are Beckie.” I shook my head yes at her while she carried on, “Yeah people talk. Almost TOOO much around here. I’m Misty. Kind of new here, kind of not.”

 

That was it. She became my best friend right then and there. We never missed lunch together or any chance to hang out. Even though she was a year younger than me we found time to ALWAYS be together. We were connected at the hip, spent countless HOURS on the phone gossiping about boys, and ultimately planned our entire lives out; right down to the babies we would have & how our weddings would be.

 

 If we had known then…..

 

She started spending entire weekends with us and that meant she got to come to church with us. Misty wasn’t the type to just let ANYONE in or close to her, but Diana had that way about her and in the end we all became very close. None of us could have ever predicted how our futures would play out the last day we all attended church together.

 

One morning Misty came to school with bruises on her body, and that very fact would change all of our lives as we knew it.

 

It was in the very same bathroom where we had first met that I found her on the floor in the handicapped stall more fragile than I had ever seen anyone in my entire life.

 

It is an image that to this day I still can’t erase from my memory.

 

When she hadn’t met me at my locker that morning before class, I went looking for her. Before we had hung up from our conversation the night before I KNEW she was supposed to be in school. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to find, and no amount of time passed will ever soften the blow of finding my very best friend covered from the neck down in deep purple bruises.

 

I didn’t care that she was on the floor, I hit my knees on that tile floor to embrace her and tears instantly filled my eyes as she winced out in pain when I squeezed her. I told her to stay put, that I was going to the office to call Momma’.

 

She cried out for me not to, and told me she didn’t want anyone to know. I promised her it would be OK and that Momma’ and Dad would keep her safe. When I asked her who had done it she just looked up at me from the floor and whispered, “Dawn.”

 

“Momma’ will make it ok, stay put. I will be back soon I promise,” I said to her as I dashed down the hallway towards the office. Our friends were yelling out to me as I passed, and I said quick hellos and carried on to my destination.

 

When I hit the office Grandma Barb looked up from her desk, “You are going to be late for class Missy!” she said as I closed the door behind me.

 

The door to the the Principal’s office was closed, and I peeked around the corner to see if the copy room and Mrs. Claridy’s doors were open before I said, “I need to call Momma’ right now Grandma.”

 

She raised her eyebrows and looked at me over the top of the rim of her glasses before she said, “Well I am sure she is at work, but it is about time for your Dad to be home,” as she turned the phone around to face me and pushed the button for the outgoing line.

 

It rang twice before Dad answered, I pulled the phone around the corner and was whispering into the receiver when he finally said, “I can’t hear you. What did you just say?” I looked around the corner to see Grandma leaning across the desk. She was going to find out anyway, so I better just tell her before she heard it from someone else.

 

The bell started ringing signaling the start of school as I was just finishing telling Dad about Misty. He was quiet for a minute before he said, “Get your things together, tell your Grandmother to sign both of you girls out, and to get your homework for today. I am on my way.”

 

Now we need to pause so that you understand a few things before we proceed.

 

My parents, OUR parents LOVE Misty like their own. Her own mother; Dawn, didn’t take good care of her & therefore my Sister was fending for herself and her baby sister at a VERY YOUNG age. I won’t ever forget the look on our Momma’s face when Misty would tell stories at our dinner table.

 

She didn’t know it back then, or maybe she did, either way some of the things she would tell us, a child should NEVER have to experience. I remember Momma’ and Dad looking across the room at one another and you could literally see both of their hearts breaking for both of those girls as Misty would talk about the drinking, the drugs, and the abuse she encountered from not only Dawn but the multiple men that frequented their home.

 

It was why she spent SO much time with us during that period of our lives.

 

One night when we were snuggled up on the pull-out couch watching “An American Tale” Misty exclaimed, “This is pretty cool. Think Momma’ will make us some popcorn?”

 

Momma’ smiled and went to the kitchen to make popcorn and Misty turned to me and said, “It’s been a REALLY long time since I have felt SAFE on a Friday night.” I even now can close my eyes and see Momma’ in the kitchen stop dead in her tracks as she was trying to keep herself from falling apart.

 

She finished making the popcorn, brought it over to us, hugged us both and as she kissed both of our foreheads said, “You don’t have anything to worry about here, now you two girls don’t stay up to late ya’ hear?” We both shook our heads yes and Momma’ turned to leave the room, but not before looking back with tears in her eyes as she said, “I love you both more than you will ever know.”

 

Back then I don’t think we quite got it…..today Misty and I are BOTH Momma’s and I know without a doubt that we finally understand. Today I KNOW that if one of my Littles EVER called me with a 911 for one of their friends, that I would be the FIRST to be on site to make sure that they got whatever help they needed.

 

Now we can jump back into the rest of our story.

 

Dad picked us up and when we got home Momma’ was pulling in the drive. She didn’t waste no time bringing us back to our bathroom to inspect the damage that Misty had endured.

 

With tears streaming down all of our faces Momma’ said, “Enough is enough, this will NEVER happen again. Do you understand me Sweet Girl? You are more precious than rubies baby girl and you do NOT deserve this.”

 

Misty and I went to lay down in our room as Momma’ and Dad hammered out what was to come in the kitchen. Misty and I didn’t stay in the kitchen, but Momma’ WAS MAD. You see she never raised her voice, didn’t hardly swear, and if she did EITHER of those things there was going to be HELL to pay for whoever made her that way.

 

Things happened fast after that. 

 

End result, Dawn didn’t hesitate to sign over Misty to my Momma’ and Dad, but she wouldn’t give up Misty’s younger Sister. On their way out the door Dawn said some hateful things to my Momma’ about Misty and Momma’ turned to her and said, “That child may not have grown inside my womb, but she IS MY DAUGHTER. I will ALWAYS be grateful to YOU for helping create her, and I only HOPE that God shows you the light before it is TO LATE and you miss out on her entirely.”

 

God had a plan.

 

Misty lived with us until he knew it was time for her to spread her wings elsewhere, but until that time we were connected at the hip. She was IN our world and in a short time became our ENTIRE world!

 

Life. Was. Good.

 

Until it wasn’t…….

 

It was the last day of school that year, a day when EVERYONE is excited to be off of school for the year….and I was excited at first for the year to be over.

 

The bus ride home meant a water fight and screams of delight as we did so. It meant hugging our friends and dreaming about what Summer would bring. Not a SINGLE one of us except the bus driver vacated that bus without being soaked to the bones. We laughed, we hugged, we experienced our LAST day of school and enjoyed sending it out in TRUE Brimley Bay fashion.

 

I arrived home to find a message from Joy Carlson on our answering machine. She was asking Momma’ to call her right away that something that happened and she REALLY needed to talk to Momma’. It would be another hour before Momma’ would be home from work. So I went about my business and did dishes, got dinner ready, folded laundry, and waited for Momma’.

 

When she arrived home the phone was ringing. Joy Carlson was at the other end when I picked up asking for Momma’. I handed Momma’ the phone and as she stood talking with her I could feel her mood change.

 

Dad came in from the barn, he knew the minute he rounded the corner just from Momma’s voice that something wasn’t right. He looked from me to her, and back again. As Momma’ thanked Joy and hung up the phone she took a sharp breath in.

 

With tears in her eyes she looked at Dad, “There has been an accident Larry, a BAD ONE.”

 

Her shoulders dropped as she turned to me.

 

I knew immediately that my life was about to change; I REMEMBERED that LOOK about her. Momma’ was about to tell me someone had just died.

 

I braced myself against the island in the kitchen as she started talking, but no amount of preparing was going to prepare me for what she was about to tell me.

 

“Rebecca, there was an accident today. Jon was driving the car home from school and they cut across the Kallio Road towards Kincheloe. They were going to fast and he lost control of the car. When they left the road they ended up in the Beaver Pond. They tried Rebecca, they did everything they could.”

 

Tears were streaming down her face as she continued; “Diana, she choked out, Diana was the first to go. They were able to revive Becky but she was put on life support at the hospital. Her parents chose to shut off the machines when they found out there was no longer brain activity.”

 

I was instantly numb.

 

I looked from her to my Dad and back again. A sob instantly left my lips and my Dad said, “You shouldn’t have gotten attached.”

 

Its been over 20 years and I will NEVER forget pushing past him, running through the back door to the deck and hitting my knees at the stairs as a scream left my body that could be heard for miles. To this day I won’t EVER be able to imitate it, but it was scary as hell & still sends shivers down my spine when I think about it.

 

Momma’ came outside and kneeled down to hug me as I screamed, “WHY?! Why would God do this Momma’?!” in between sobs. She just hugged me tighter and and whispered, “I love you Rebecca Dawn. I love you SO SO SO VERY much,” as she tucked my hair behind my ears, rocked me back and forth like I was a baby as I cried the hardest I had cried in 6 years since I had lost Grandpa Harm.

 

The days to follow were awful.

 

Momma’ took to laying with me as I cried myself to sleep every night until Misty returned from visiting her Grandma & Grandpa. Then Misty and I would cry our own selves to sleep listening to Tim McGraw’s “Don’t Take the Girl.”

 

Both Becky and Diana were GONE.

 

Their deaths shook most of Chippewa County to the CORE.

 

The first responders who weren’t prepared for that type of accident NEVER got over not being able to save them. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE Pat was my instructor for my fire class. Imagine sitting there as he SPOKE openly about two of my best friends dying and not being able to save them, while I tried to hold myself together.

 

Teachers, Friends, Loved Ones, Churches, entire communities were affected by BOTH of their short lives on this earth. It was OBVIOUS come funeral day that in the short time God gave them to us they MADE AN IMPACT, they BOTH made A DIFFERENCE.

 

It was standing room only at the funeral, so much so that people poured into the balcony, the basement, and some were even left outside.

 

To this day I can close my eyes and hear the choir singing, “My Girl” as I studied the flowers on my dress between tears and sobs. I watched tears bounce off my folded hands in my lap and immediately remembered the last time I was in a church where folded hands came into play and a loud sob left my tiny frame.

 

Momma’ leaned in and said, “God had a plan for them Rebecca, they are with the angels now.” It didn’t make it any easier. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t even want to believe this was happening, BUT it was.

 

I knew it was true the minute that Misty leaned her head on my shoulder and reached out for my hand so she could hold me.

 

She picked her head up just enough to look at me and mouth, “I love you sister!” I just shook my head Yes as tears kept coming and the choir kept singing.

 

Our Lives were NEVER going to be the same.

 

Our beautiful Goldilocks had gotten her wings……and it was something that we just weren’t prepared for.

 

Even now it still shakes me loose.

 

Misty and I spent a lot of time huddled up in our room after that. We started taking ALL kinds of photos and documenting EVERYTHING. We literally started preparing for the absolute worst, but the reality was we had just lived through it so we knew it was entirely possible.

 

One morning over pancakes Misty said, “Beck we should get saved. Well I mean we are already saved but maybe we should get baptized ya’ know…..just in case.”

 

I looked up at Momma’ who had stopped moving entirely at the stove and said, “I think you are right….lets talk to Pastor Carlson and make that happen.”

 

It wasn’t long after and our names were on the Church Program to be baptized. Diana’s Momma’ was in attendance as Misty and I made our way to the front of the church as Pastor Carlson addressed the church.

 

I was nervous standing there…..

 

Watching my baby sister get baptized as she gave her life over to the Lord, I whispered a silent prayer that Diana and Becky were watching…..

 

Then it was my turn.

 

I made my way SLOWLY down those steps. I thought of Papaw, of Grandpa (Opa’) Harm, and of Diana and Becky.

 

About how I had changed my name from Becky with a “y” to Beckie with an “ie” just so we were different.

 

About how the last time Diana and I were together she asked me if I believed there was a Heaven, and we made a PROMISE that we would MEET up there one day should anything EVER happen to the other…..

 

As I turned back to see my sister wrapped in a towel smiling at me and shaking her head yes as if to sign to me that it was OK!

 

I heard God whisper, “Come to me child it is time.” I looked up at Pastor Carlson as he recited scripture, and then at my sister as I heard Diana say, “Hold on tight to her, she was sent to save you Beck. DON’T LET GO no matter WHAT happens! I will see you when you get here!” as Pastor Carlson dunked me in the water.

 

It was seconds, but it felt like hours as memories flashed through my head of Papaw and our many conversations about coming to God, of Diana running and her golden hair bouncing in the wind as we played, and finally of my sister as I broke through the water and took a deep breath in.

 

She was waiting for me at the top of the stairs as my life was set to begin.

 

I had been washed clean and our journey was finally about to start.

 

We hugged as we stood there soaking wet and cried happy tears for the amazing thing that had just happened to both of our lives.

 

We KNEW without a doubt in that MOMENT that NO MATTER what happened to us both; we were going to spend an ETERNITY together!

 

When we turned to face the church and found Momma’ sitting there with tears streaming down her face, WE KNEW LIFE WAS GOOD AGAIN.

 

Being baptized didn’t ease the blow of losing Diana and Becky, the church could feel the loss, and ultimately their pew stayed empty for a LONG time.

 

Diana’s Momma’ came sporadically and then not at all when it became to much to bare….

 

Funny looking back how SO much changed in just one school year, then one summer, and ultimately our lives…..

 

The following year going back to BHS was horrific. I hated it…..

 

Standing in the halls listening to everyone talk about their summer and all that happened sickened me.

 

 

Didn’t they know two girls lost their lives?

 

How could life just continue like nothing happened…..Why weren’t people mourning?

 

It was literally 2 ¾ months ago….how could they forget already???

 

People who were once my friends now annoyed me entirely. All they cared about was their hair and boys, and in those moments I wanted to punch them in the throat and stuff them in a locker.

 

I didn’t mind you, but the Good Lord knows I became one angry individual that following school year.

 

I was annoyed about the simple things people took for granted.

 

I was pissed over the DUMB drama over half of my class was creating and continued to create.

 

All I wanted was for everyone to just SHUT UP.

 

That didn’t happen mind you….only one person really ever got me to talk and that was Bryan Newland.

 

Over the years he never really gave up making sure to JUST BE THERE, and even now I bet he doesn’t know how grateful I was for that.

 

I changed OVER NIGHT.

 

People didn’t get it, and a lot of them couldn’t figure out what even happened.

 

At that point in my life I certainly wasn’t letting ANYONE in…..and nothing was EVER getting out.

 

No one gets in, and NOTHING gets out……it was my way of protecting myself after everything I had endured in my short 14+ years on this planet.

 

Looking back I know how HARD it was to love me back then, but a select few hung in there and held on so tight they made sure that I had NO choice but to move forward.

 

Losing Diana and Becky was a blow like no other…..

 

I can’t even describe it to you even now……just know that it leaves HOLES inside your soul that just can’t be filled…..

 

I’m learning….and I say that because I am STILL learning to this day to TRUST that even though sitting here with tears coming down my cheeks and sobs escaping my body just like they did the DAY it happened that GOD had a plan ALL along……

 

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her or Becky.

 

Or a day that goes by when I don’t wonder all the times I text my sister or Amanda, or Randi or Sami or Snap Chat Lacey that Diana would have LOVED and LAUGHED about the ridiculousness that happens in all of our lives….

 

I wonder what she would have looked like “Grown Up”

 

I wonder what her first love would have looked like, and what kind of wedding dress she would have chosen….

 

You see God took her home before she ever had a Prom or REAL first date….All the things that beautiful soul would experience were stripped away from her…and to say that I stayed angry for a long time after that would be an understatement….

 

However…he always gives us what we need….and he knew I would need my sister….

 

MORE THAN EVER….

 

Even if I was hateful that girl STILL LOVED me…..

 

When I shut down, she wiggled in.

 

When I closed doors, she kicked them open.

 

When I wanted to give up; she reached down and pulled me up.

 

When I had TOO much; she took what burdens the Lord didn’t so that I could rest easy.

 

She truly did save me from myself MORE times than I can count.

 

God gave her to me because he KNEW I was going to need someone STRONG; with grit, who wasn’t AFRAID to fight….who wasn’t afraid to HOLD ON even in the moments when it was ROUGH & TOUGH. So he sent me my sister…..

 

God Gave Me YOU Misty Dawn…..you will NEVER know just how grateful I am for that VERY fact…..

 

I can’t walk through the halls of BHS without getting nostalgic as I pass the bathroom where I first met her….

 

I’m often quiet at events involving my children because my time inside those halls was VERY different from everyone that surrounded me.

 

Even if they have ALL forgotten; The voices of ghosts long since passed STILL remind me every time I enter those halls.

 

I am no longer angry….

 

No longer Sad….

 

What I do wish is I hadn’t wasted so much time being angry over things I had no control over back then.

 

That I had embraced God’s Plan, Trusted in him and held tight to my sister before she ever felt like she needed to leave us to explore life……

 

Then again…I wouldn’t have my nieces, my nephew, and a brother-in-law who I adore….so not all is lost..

 

God gave her back to us when he knew her presence was necessary! Luckily this time she hasn’t left since….

 

 

If we had known then what we know now…..

My advice to all of you:

 

Life. Is. SO. Short.

 

My sister and I and every single person that was close to Diana and Becky can tell you of such things…..

 

Do. Not. Waste. A. Single. Moment.

 

Chase after your dreams & remember that it is NEVER to late to start over!

 

We get ONE shot. One…..and I will be damned if I leave this earth without leaving an impression on SOMEONE!

 

Even if it is only my Littles….so be it….

 

BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

 

No matter HOW MUCH time you have left on this beautiful earth; Make the ABSOLUTE BEST of it!

 

I won’t ever wish that I could go back because I KNOW I will see both girls again someday. The sting of losing them is STILL just as raw today, BUT I FINALLY understand that God’s purpose had SO much MORE to do with TRUSTING in him than it did me making my OWN plan….

 

That has NEVER worked out so well for me. (Insert an eye roll please)

 

What I can tell you; don’t waste what time is given to you.

 

You don’t ever want to look back and say; “I wish I had used the time that was given to me in a better way.”

 

So just as the beginning of this blog stated; “I just don’t have TIME for this.”

 

Sit back for a moment and think about that statement. If you have ever NOT had enough time, or you felt like the timing just wasn’t right, maybe it wasn’t ABOUT YOU at all.

 

Maybe it was about what GOD had planned for your life at that time period. Maybe he planned to take away certain things so that more important, BETTER things could make their way to you in the TIME that HE CHOSE for you.

 

You see….I have learned OVER and OVER again the HARD way that HIS TIMING…..HIS PLAN….and HIS way is ALWAYS going to prevail NO MATTER HOW HARD I fight against it….

 

As my mother ALWAYS says; “In God’s Time Rebecca, In God’s Time.”

 

Trust Him; and he will NOT forsake you.

 

Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”