Dear Momma', You were right. About EVERYTHING.
You were right. About everything.
Today as I was in the process of struggling to finish two different blogs I was working on, and getting frustrated that neither of them were coming to a close I heard your voice inside my head say, “In God’s Time Rebecca.”
Just as it has so many times throughout the journey of my life your voice guided me today, as it always tends to do in the moments when I need it the most. Even the ones that I don’t have to physically have you in front of me or have you on the phone to walk me through.
So I closed the two blogs I was working on and sat down to write this one to you instead. God always has a plan in place, and I suppose he knew that today would be a good day to break down a few things I have been meaning to talk to you about.
God sure knew what he was doing when he picked you to be my Momma’. I honestly believe he chose you knowing that you would be strong enough to handle the sass, patient enough to handle the hard times, compassionate enough to walk me through the most difficult of times, and caring enough to see both sides of every situation. He made sure you would be full of your own experiences, advice and knowledge so that you had more than enough answers when it came time to share them, and that even if you didn’t have the answers you would ALWAYS know where to look.
Raising me could not have always been easy. The good lord knows he certainly made me special in my own way. A dreamer, a fly-by the seat of my pants, do my own thing, dance to the beat of my own drum type child. Looking back I can honestly say there were a lot of raised eyebrows, heads left shaking, and people left wondering more so than anything else.
That never stopped you though, you embraced all that was ME. Every part that was, is and ever will make up the existence of Rebecca Dawn Fegan. You loved every thread, every fiber, and continue to do so day in and day out no matter what life throws in our direction.
When I was 8, you told me that I could do whatever my heart desired, to always follow my dreams, and to never settle until they were fulfilled.
– You were right.
When I was 9, you told me that Heaven existed, and that saying Good-Bye didn’t mean forever there. That letting go for now would be OK, because I would see him again. – You are right, and I truly believe that with all of my heart!
When I was 10, you told me that I was beautiful enough that I didn’t need to wear make-up, that it only causes break-outs, bad skin, that it is an expensive habit, and that I honestly didn’t need it. – You were right. Thank You for that, to this day I don’t wear make-up and I can’t Thank You enough!
When I was 11, you told me that ONE day I would have children of my own that would not value the beautiful things I owned and they would most certainly break them. – You were right.
When I was 12, you told me that ONE day I would have children of my own that thought that they knew EVERYTHING, to be prepared because it was going to be a CRAZY ride! – You were right.
When I was 13, you told me, "It is just STUFF, it can be replaced! Always remember a strangers kindness, and never forget to be KIND ALWAYS. Kindness and having a servants heart will take you further in life than anything else." - You were right.
When I was 14 and the last day of school became a day I would never forget for the rest of my life, you held me and said, “It’s OK, let me hold you.” until I cried myself to sleep. You sat by my side with your arm around me as the choir sang “My Girl” and I silently watched tears bounce off my folded hands in my lap. You leaned in and said, “I love you always Rebecca Dawn. Always and Forever, no matter what. God needed angels and he only chooses the very best! She is safe with the Lord now.” Even if I didn’t want to believe it then, I truly in my heart believe it now. – You were right.
When I was 15 you told me ALL boys suck, that heartbreak is only temporary, and that REAL love would one day come along and REALLY know what it had, that BOYS take longer to mature and that someday it would all make sense. – You were SO right!
When I was 16 and had been in my car accident and couldn’t remember, you held my hand and whispered, “It will be OK, In God’s time Rebecca.” I would smile when people would stop, and even though I could recognize their faces, they were strangers to me, you would smile, tell me their name and everyone would visit as if it was normal. When I told you I was “fuzzy” you hugged me and said, “It will come back, God will make sure, In His Time Rebecca.” – YOU WERE RIGHT.
When I was 17 and a Pizza Hut commercial made me throw up – YOU KNEW. Immediately YOU KNEW. Off to the doctor we went, and one phone call later – YOU WERE RIGHT.
When I was 18 and scared to death you told me, “The pain of childbirth is excruciating, but NOTHING will compare to holding your sweet baby for the very first time. You will be alright Rebecca. I will be right beside you. WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!” – You were right!
When I was 19 you calmly reminded me to take ENDLESS photos because the MOMENTS go by SO fast, and once they are gone you can't get them back. - You were right.
A Million different statements all made out of nothing but LOVE, and no matter the context, YOU WERE RIGHT.
My absolute favorite was and always will be, “You will NEVER understand ANY OF THIS until you have a child of your own Rebecca Dawn!” – You were right!
Goodness were you ever right......
Before I had children I was the absolute, most amazing, downright perfect parent there ever was or ever would be! I knew ALL the answers, and I had everything planned out accordingly! What I would and wouldn’t do, how I would do it and WHY I was going to do things SO differently than my Momma’ and Dad did!
Goodness. If I could have soaked up all that wisdom floating around back then and used it to my advantage from the start! Wooooweee….Where would I be?
“God never gives us what we want, he gives us what we NEED!”
Another favorite quote of mine that you always use. One I have learned to embrace and hold close to my heart more and more over the past year or so. I love you more than words can ever really describe Momma’.
If I grow up to be even an 1/18 of the woman that you are I will count my lucky stars that the Good Lord thought that much of me to let me mirror the woman I love and admire so much. I have no idea where I would be today if all those years ago when I was pushing while you were pulling, you had just LET GO.
Instead you held on tighter, loved harder, and prayed like never before.
You hung on knowing that God would bring me back. – YOU WERE RIGHT.
Thank You for that.
For everything actually.
For all the moments I forgot to say Thank You, for all the moments you might not have felt appreciated, for all the moments you let me walk away and GROW, even when you didn’t want to. For the endless love, devotion, and admiration you have for all of us.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOTHER. AN AMAZING WOMAN. AN AMAZING BEST FRIEND.
I don’t need 1 day to tell you how special you are Momma’. You are special and amazing every single day. Thank You for everything that you do for me, for my Littles, for Dad, for my Brother and Sister, for everyone…..
You are truly the most incredible woman that I know, and some day I hope I get to grow up to be just like you!
I love you always and forever!
Your #1 Fan,
P.S. - Remember that time you told me that one day I would THANK YOU for all your advice, nagging, and countless hours of pointing out the obvious? - YOU WERE RIGHT. ;)